BlogHer for the Socially Anxious
Tomorrow, like literally thousands of other women, I will head to the annual BlogHer Conference in San Diego. I’ve been to almost every single BlogHer gathering, I’ve spoken at them and worked at them too, but I always approach the Conference with fear and dread as well as excitement.
I thought, “you can’t be the only one,” so I decided to write a quick piece for my sisters in anxiety out there. You see, BlogHer is a little like high school. And if for some reason you were not popular in high school, or you were angsty, or you didn’t have people to sit with at lunch or didn’t get invited to cool parties, you might have flashbacks at BlogHer Con. I went to girls high school, and it was vicious at times. Whenever I walk into a room full of women I’ll have a bout of social anxiety. Do they like me? Am I awkward and not worth knowing?
It’s not BlogHer’s fault. The three founders are the most wonderful, down to earth women you’ll ever meet. The women I know from my blogging community are my true friends, my role models and mentors, my colleagues and even my clients. BlogHer has enriched my life in ways I never thought would be possible.
But get any posse of women together (let alone several thousand) and dynamics will ensue. Not to mention that many attendees are selling themselves, making connections, working it hard…and it can get intimidating. Every party you’re not invited to, every elite piece of swag you don’t get, every person who doesn’t know your name. You will meet people more famous/rich/full of Twitter followers than you. It wears on a person, even an adult with a wonderful life back home.
So here is my guide if events like this make you anxious. Every time you feel a twinge, say to yourself:
I’m just here to learn. If I have fun and meet people while I’m here, that’s great. But this is just a learning experience. I’m going to observe, and that’s all. I’m along for the ride.
I try to let go of whatever agenda I had…because if you hang out and observe at BlogHer, you never know where you’ll end up.
If this isn’t enough, think of all the people who love you back home. Think how wonderful it is to be an adult, to make your own rules and your own friends and not care if people like you all the time.
Then, have a glass of wine, smile, and open yourself to the experience.
See you there!
Leapfrog jobs and presidential politics
This morning, a very talented young woman asked me for advice. Should she go work on the Obama campaign, or find a job that will be less stressful, more inclusive and more aligned with her immediate goals (not to mention better paying)? I didn’t hesitate before suggesting she work for Obama. And not because I’m such a huge Obama fan.
No. Because for a talented young woman, a place at HQ of a presidential campaign will pay dividends for the rest of her life. The truth is, there are some jobs you can take when you’re young that act just like getting an MBA from Stanford or a law degree from Harvard. When you leave them, they allow you to leapfrog several years ahead of your rightful place on the career ladder. Working at Google or Apple is one of these jobs. In my world, it’s working on a political campaign or in an Administration in a staff role.
The recent article on Sheryl Sandberg in the New Yorker highlighted her incredible smarts, drive and people skills. But I also found noteworthy how Sandberg got herself into a leapfrog job (U.S Treasury) at a young age. There, she had the sponsorship of Larry Summers and got experience and exposure well beyond her qualifications. Only from Treasury was she able to jump to Google, Facebook and the stratosphere.
So if you’re young and you have an opportunity to work on a major political race or in an Administration, do it, even though it will be exhausting, full of landmines and extremely aggressive people who’d kick you aside in a second to get ahead.
Fear Means Go
I’m always encouraging my two year old to try new things…and he loves to say, “try try.” I don’t always take this advice myself. I have some social anxiety. But when I’m nervous about a big meeting or cocktail party I have to tackle on my own, I’ll harken back to this wonderful story from Ellen Galinsky.
“Fear Means Go” is the mantra of Ellen and her daughter, Lara Galinsky. It’s a way we can practice taking on challenges, an essential part of life whether you’re 2 or 40.
Cross-posted from the Harvard Business Review blog:
When Deb Dagit walked in to make her first presentation to the Merck Board of Directors, she knew what she was going to say. She was speaking to the Board about the importance of making a commitment to having a diverse workforce and to creating a workplace culture where differences among people are seen as a business advantage. One look at the serious faces of the members of the Board, though, began to erode her confidence. It wasn’t until Dr. Johnnetta Cole, then President of Spelman College and a member of Merck’s board, approached her that her confidence returned. Dagit says:
I had never met her before but she came over to me, gave me a hug, and said, “We are going to have a wonderful conversation.” All the time, I was talking to the Board, I just kept looking at her and I got through it.
Dagit, now the Chief Diversity Officer at Merck, told this story in the context of a business seminar I was conducting on how the skills that help children thrive (skills I identified in a review of the research for my book Mind in the Making) are the very same skills that help adults become more effective at work. The skill we were talking about was taking on challenges.Adults, like children, look to the faces of others in uncertain or new situations to assess the situation and to figure out how to proceed. This tendency has a name in the research literature–it’s called “social referencing,”
Anne Weisberg, Director in Talent at Deloitte and a speaker at the business seminar, makes the point we are increasingly faced with uncertain paths to navigate in our everyday jobs as our world changes at breakneck speed and as knowledge multiplies exponentially. She says that we are going to have to try new things if we are going to adapt and thrive. Here are some suggestions from the speakers at this business seminar on how they have learned to see making mistakes as a part of taking on challenges.
Childcare is part of a jobs agenda
Thanks to Care2′s Robin Marty for highlighting Senator Gillibrand’s recent comments in a live talk online with EMILY’s List (who is a client of mine). I’m so glad Gillibrand stressed this. Families pay huge child care costs with POSTTAX dollars, and yet the write off for child care is minimal. If mortgages were this tax disadvantageous there’d be protests.
“Childcare is part of a jobs agenda,” Gillibrand said in the live chat, hosted by the women’s political organization committed to supporting pro-choice candidates, voicing her frustration at a expense that has become a significant burden to numerous families with both parents in the workforce.
As a result of the rising cost of childcare, Gillibrand is proposing legislation that will help to reduce the ballooning cost of care. “In this difficult economy, parents cannot afford the rising cost of child care. Families’ incomes are just not keeping pace,” Senator Gillibrand said. “I speak with parents all over New York State, who tell me that something must be done. In addition to making child care more affordable for parents who work and go to school, my plan will provide special assistance to businesses that help their employees with the tremendous costs.”
Gillibrand’s proposal includes increasing the Dependent and Child Care tax credit to $6000, giving larger tax breaks to businesses that offer on site child care services, getting more workers into the child care industry and encouraging businesses to allow more telecommuting — a proposal that wouldn’t just cut the amount of money needed to be spent on childcare, but would also reduce road congestion, fuel consumption, and business expenditures for keeping employees in an office.
Patriarchy at Work
Really interesting new study from the University of Arizona:
It seems reducing hierarchy in the workplace increases diversity in leadership:
“The introduction of self-directed work teams was associated with a decline in the probability of white male managers by 8% and an increase in the odds of white female managers by 9%, as well as an increase of black female managers by 3.5% and of black male managers by 5%.”
About Me
Morra Aarons-Mele utilizes social media strategies to help employers, employees and communities connect. She also consults with leading organizations on how women can use the internet for professional and personal development. In her spare time, Morra enjoys blogging about women and politics. Read her full bio >>
Recent Posts
- Women Are a Hot Topic, But It’s Access to Capital That Counts
- BlogHer for the Socially Anxious
- Leapfrog jobs and presidential politics
- Women Out In Front
- Fear Means Go