Perils of Pumping
From the Huffington Post and BlogHer
Here is item no. 300 of things I never thought about before I had a baby: Do you pump in public bathrooms? To me the breast pump symbolizes the inherent conflict of contemporary motherhood. How wonderful that we have the freedom to leave our babies while we work and still nourish them with our milk. But how awkward and strange it can be.
Yesterday I piloted my “Pump in Style” breast pump backpack (a black nylon Prada circa 2000 wannabe) outside the house to attend a small industry meeting to network and meet potential employers in my field. I knew I’d be away from the house long enough that I’d have to pump or suffer.
When it came time to pump, I went into the public bathroom, and just couldn’t do it. As I wrote on BlogHer.com, “What if a potential employer walked in? Would it produce a moment of compassion and shared understanding among women or would it be awkward and TMI, like running into the boss the morning after drinking too much at a holiday party? Or was I being immature and it wouldn’t faze an innocent onlooker? I don’t know. Even my husband and sister can’t bear to look at me in pump mode, and I don’t blame them.
Pumping is extremely humbling and awkward. Like a mammogram, you jam your breast into an uncomfortable plastic tube. The pump stretches your breast and makes a strange noise, like a wheezing metronome. You must contort your body into awkward positions. Pumping is also very boring, and aggravates any tendency to carpal tunnel syndrome. But we do it, because we love our babies and our freedom.
I chickened out of the bathroom. I sheepishly asked if there was a private office available, and there was. Phew. I closed the blinds, locked the doors, and sat there alone.”
And if you haven’t read Jill Lepore’s excellent article on the evolution of the breast pump and its role in our workforce, click here.
Twitter is the new Third Place
You know Twitter, it is the most recent early adopter craze, and to those on the outside, it’s a giant in-joke (for a great explanation of Why Twitter, click here) Members post short updates (less than 140 characters) to a site where people “follow” you because they think you’re interesting, and you follow people you think are interesting. Really cool people have lots more followers than people they follow, just like at school. Also, like school, people who are “in” on Twitter spend a lot of time working on their in-ness. It takes work to stay hot on Twitter: wit, constant updates about things that aren’t patently boring (there are plenty of those on Twitter), and other hip people following you. Certain of Washington DC’s media elite seem to have perfected this.
I don’t really Twitter. It’s too high maintenance and it intimidates me, like a party where everyone is engrossed in conversation except you. Also, I find it very confusing because Twitter language looks like gibberish. Here are two recent examples of popular Twitter feeds:
Randomdeanna: @benpolitico good luck today! Waving from next door (actually, at @audiciaray, too, heh)
Translation: This is Deanna, probably Twittering from her mobile, telling a Twitterer named @benpolitico (who is the Politico.com writer Ben Smith) good luck, and I guess also waving to someone named audiciaray.
RT @Michael_Hoffman: Lets make #skittles the brand that saved Iraqi
Refugees http://twurl.nl/nszdcx (please RT) #p2 #topprog #rebelleft
(This is an online activist named Michael Hoffman launching a very cool campaign to bring attention to Refugees International http://www.refugeesinternational.org/iraq by using the “juggernaut” that was the re-launch of the new Skittles candy site. He’s asking those people who go to the Skittles Twitter page to use the tags #p2, etc., to raise awareness of the refugee cause, and to track the action. All the hash marks are actually a complicated taxonomy system that’s pretty brilliant, if confusing to the eye. I can get past the language weirdness (but as Deanna Zandt, aka @randomdeanna says, “Do you read lolcats”? Oh, do I!)
I’m starting to feel left out because I’m not a Twitterer. How can I feel left out of a website? How nerdy is that?
I feel left out of Twitter because it is a social gathering. I think Twitter and its ilk (Facebook, MySpace) are the new third place for many. In sociology, the Third Place is a key element to the social fabric. In social capital theory, third places are what keep a society, or even a neighborhood, together; they turn acquaintances into relationships and breed good will. It’s where you go when you don’t want the ties of family but you don’t want to be alone. In the UK, it might be the pub. On TV, it was the famous bar Cheers. In olde America, it was also the Bowling Alley or the Rotary Club meeting (see Robert Putnam’s http://bowlingalone.com/ Bowling Alone for more).
My friend Sarah Granger, Managing Director of FutureCampaign (who has a rich offline life) spoke honestly of the attachment her Twitter community created this past election cycle:
“And by the time it was election night, I was so accustomed to the community, I honestly had more fun on Twitter than I did in this huge room full of people in San Francisco – I was there physically cheering with them, and the in-person crowd feeling was great, but I felt more happiness sharing the moments with friends via Twitter, if that makes any sense.”
I asked Deanna (aka @randomdeanna), Twitter fan, about Twitter immersion. Texting, iPhone and blogging were bad enough before. Now with Twitter everyone is even more engrossed in a third place. If life is happening on your mobile screen, it’s not happening in your house, at your dinner, your coffee date. There’s even a http://pistachioconsulting.com/twitter-presentations/ great recent blog post advising presenters what to do at a conference when everyone is Twittering while you speak on stage.
Deanna wrote back,
“I think there’s definitely a boundary problem that some people have when it comes to their toys. People get hurt feelings, while the folks who are doing the Twittering think they’re doing them a favor by sharing their moment together. (Really, I think we Twitter folk think that. heh.) On the other hand, the line between our digital lives and our tangible lives is clearly blurring– I for example, have stopped saying “in real life;” now I say “online” and “offline.” For many people, twittering their tangible live is fluid and makes sense. It’s jarring for those that have a different worldview, tho, for sure.”
It is jarring indeed. But for many, Twitter is the Third Place of choice, and even though to me it feels like a big inside joke I’m not invited to, it is open to all, much like the bar Cheers. Boldface names mix with ordinary people, and they all sound like they’re sharing one big secret handshake. But bold face names may choose to follow us ordinaries simply because we tweet interesting things. And that’s quite cool. Not like school at all.
Women and news consumption, women and internet use
The ombuds(wo)man at the Washington Post, Deborah Howell, has an interesting piece today about how women consume the newspaper differently than men. She writes, “Post readership research [shows] that men and women are equally interested in breaking and national news, but that women are more interested in local news, especially about schools, and in health, food and home topics.” Howell also notes that younger women with children are a tough group for the Post to attract. This is tough for a newspaper since mothers drive most household purchases and thus, are very very attractive to advertisers.
But women hold some responsibility too. Howell’s column reminds me of a 2002 study by Clark and Gorski. They posit several theories as to why nerd culture and technology is so heavily male dominated. One, they suggest, has simply to do with how differently men and women consume information online. They write,
“Men, conditioned to value and pursue technological competence, use online time to learn more about technology or to further improve professional or economic standing. But women, without the same support and encouragement, tend to use the technology for hobbies and non-technology-related self-development.”
All that online community and talking, they suggest, holds women back from leading in the hard stuff.
Similarly, men consume harder news, while women have a current affairs gap, according to Pew. Howell suggests not only bringing more female voices into the mix (in the newsroom, in management, and most difficult, into the world arena itself) but also in developing editorial coverage that appeals more to women. This last suggestion troubles me greatly. We shouldn’t dumb down or lighten the news to suit women’s tastes. Women have a responsibility to keep up with current events, and I thought this was really changing during Election 2008. Now, with no Palin or Barack daily horserace digest, will many women go back to favoring soft news? We can do better, surely.
Massachusetts Conference for Women
Please join me Thursday, Dec. 11 for the Massachusetts Conference for Women at the Boston Convention Center.
I’ll be facilitating (with two other great speakers from Microsoft and Accenture) two short sessions. The topic I’ll be discussing? How to build your online brand.
Your online profile is a rich, lifelong source of professional and personal growth opportunity, if you tend it carefully. The internet and social media tools offer women unprecedented access to social and career networks. Maintaining a strong Google profile allows you to build expertise and presence in your field.
Hope to see you Thursday. For more information: click here
Bedrest reading list
Being on quasi bedrest has been absolutely kind of wonderful. I shouldn’t admit it; it feels so un-industrious and non-productive of me. But I think I will miss it when it’s gone. The best part has been reading. I gave myself carte blanche to spend a small fortune on Amazon and have read the best string of books. Here’s my bedrest book list thus far- and I want more titles!! I aimed for writers I really love, poppy and easy to read but still meaty.
When Will There Be Good News? by Kate Atkinson
A Life in France by Julia Child
No Ordinary Time by Doris Kearns Goodwin (I will never finish this book- not in a year of bedrest)
American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld
Something to Tell You by Hanif Kureishi
Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri
I was just listening to Tom Ashbrook and his guests mentioned a novel called Netherland, by Joseph O’Neill, about ex-pats and cricket in New York City. Sounds excellent. But I am trying to avoid sadness and death in my pregnancy reading. Two of the above books fail that test starkly, but I won’t say which. They are still worth reading.
About Me
Morra Aarons-Mele utilizes social media strategies to help employers, employees and communities connect. She also consults with leading organizations on how women can use the internet for professional and personal development. In her spare time, Morra enjoys blogging about women and politics. Read her full bio >>
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