The art of compromise (with apologies to Elizabeth Bishop)

August 24, 2008 · Filed Under Feminism, Politics, Psychology, Social Work · Comment  
The art of compromise isn't hard to master
....
compromise something every day. Accept the ambivalence
of lost opportunities, the hour spent
doing something you don't want to.
The art of compromise isn't hard to master.

I’m not going to the Democratic National Convention, and I’m sad about it. I am obsessively watching CNN (after a 4 month self-imposed moratorium on cable news), checking my email for party invites in Denver, and questioning choices. I’m about 6 months pregnant, starting a new career, and in the light of day, staying at home instead of going to the Convention seemed like the right thing. The doctors agreed. After all- my blogging is a passion, not a financial sustenance. My BlogHer colleagues Erin Vest and Maria Niles will do an amazing job covering things- Erin even got that Nokia N95 to stream live via Qik. Go Erin.

I mentioned my ambivalence last night to a recent mother of a now 8 month old baby. She said, “get used to compromise!” You think you’re going to have to put your needs just on hold? How about having your needs completely not matter? Having everything you do subsumed by this one little creature- by someone else?

I’m sure to people with children this is the oldest story in the book, so apologies for my whininess.

But, yes, compromise. Not something I’m used to. When I read Leslie Bennetts’ underrated book The Feminine Mistake I was struck by her thesis that women of my generation just need to learn how to compromise. In Bennetts’ view, for example, modern motherhood for the working woman is not a binary question of giving up a career to become the perfect stay at home mom vs. being an addled, overachieving working mother with a kid in full time care. No, Bennetts writes, we need to compromise, Maybe be a little less overachieving at work, a little less perfection-seeking as a mother.

So I guess not going to the Convention is but a first step in the endless compromising of parenthood, its real financial and physical responsibilities. And yet, it stings.

The original poem, “One Art” by Elizabeth Bishop:

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied.  It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

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Why I’m a bread and butter voter

August 20, 2008 · Filed Under Feminism, Politics · Comment 

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote this in the Guardian: “For American women now, money is the ultimate women’s issue. Not choice.”

“The way Washington, DC non-profit organisations, political campaigns and especially the media package the interests of women voters is a case in micro-inequities, those little acts of discrimination and stereotyping that add up to a lot. It’s years of campaigns telling us that single women don’t vote much, and when they do, they care only about sexual politics, education and kid issues (in reality, they don’t even make the top five). It’s the incomprehensible recasting of the 2008 Hillary Clinton campaign as being about gender dynamics, when in fact she spent of most of her time talking about the economy.

Women control 84 cents of every household dollar spent, and we earn about 43% of a two-partner household income. Which makes us anxious. Which means that many of us will vote on the economy in November. But we will vote on our economy - responsible governance and helpful public policy that allows us to do what we want and need to do: work. I feel it’s safe to say most women would pay higher taxes for a more effective government. We won’t pay to support interest payments on the Iraq war. Women are traditionally more open to an active government, and we believe government can do good, according to a 2004 Women’s Voices, Women’s Vote poll.”

If the candidates want to win women’s votes, they need to address women’s economic concerns in a meaningful and consistent way.”

I miss Hillary Clinton’s economic voice in this presidential race. I don’t want McCain to run away with economy voters just because he sounds more in touch on the economy. And so I read this article from the AP on Obama’s tour through Virginia today with great interest (and AP, I hope I am within your character limit when quoting):

Obama said it was wrong that the Iraqi government has been sitting on billions of dollars in oil revenue while the U.S. spends billions to rebuild the country.

“We should be using some of that money to rebuild Virginia, laying roads, building broadband lines and putting people back to work,” Obama said.

“If you give me that opportunity, if you give me that chance, I will fight for you every single day,” he pledged. “I’ll wake up every day in that White House thinking about those people in Martinsville.”

I believe women voters see through McCain’s posturing on economic policy, despite some Republican memes that Obama has “declared war on highly motivated working women.” This is code for GOP claims that since Obama will raise taxes on very high-earners, the women among them will just “choose to stay home” instead of earning (especially when you figure in child care costs- well here’s an idea- let’s make child care more affordable and supported in this country!). This is specious in the extreme. In fact, McCain fares worse among women than any presidential candidate since Bob Dole in 1996. In the August 13 Pew Poll, Obama holds a 51-38 lead among women over McCain.

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It’s the new McCain: Titty jokes and Bush smirks

August 7, 2008 · Filed Under Feminism, Internet Media, Politics · Comment 

Cross-posted from the Huffington Post
From Politico:

“…at a biker rally in Sturgis, South Dakota, John McCain appears to have volunteered his wife for a topless beauty pageant:
McCain felt so comfortable at the event that he even volunteered his wife for the rally’s traditional beauty pageant, an infamously debauched event that’s been known to feature topless women.
“I encouraged Cindy to compete,” McCain said to cheers. “I told her with a little luck she could be the only woman ever to serve as first lady and Miss Buffalo Chip.”
As a reader emails, “Miss Buffalo Chip has ‘been known to feature topless women’ in the same way that Guns and Ammo magazine has been known to feature firearms.” Indeed, an ESPN.com columnist describes it as “occasionally bottomless.”

I’ve written before about McCain’s risque line-towing, but I’m wondering if new campaign advisor Steve Schmidt (who helped foster the “I’d rather have a beer with Bush” phenomenon in 2004 and made John Kerry French) has been taking McCain out to Hooters in Virginia Beach as part of message training.

Between the belligerent yodeling –”We have to drill here and drill now“–and offering up his wife for a cash prize I’m wondering if this is McCain’s attempt to channel the elusive white male voter he so needs to win?

More at Huffington Post….

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Yes We Can (Rascal)